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6 Epic July Fourth Party Fails That’ll Make You Proud to Be An American

Independence Day is a time to celebrate what makes this country great. Still, if you’re thinking of hosting a July Fourth bash, make sure you take some precautions. “Remember when Janice lit the lawn on fire?” is probably not how you want your friends to remember your party.

Like the other holiday fails we’ve highlighted in the past, July Fourth offers lots of opportunities to bake, craft, and celebrate in theme. Unfortunately it also serves up myriad chances to disturb the peace, destroy property, and unexpectedly send loved ones to the ER.

It’s true we all make mistakes. Hey, we’re American, we own up to our blunders! So in the spirit of unity, let’s walk through some of them. Because seeking entertainment in the fails of others is OK as long as we can learn something, right?

Lesson No. 1: Don’t light fireworks around parked cars

We feel like this should go without saying, but as the clip below illustrates, you should never light fireworks on a street where your party guests or neighbors will park their cars. Unless, of course, your goal is to set off every car alarm and make everyone’s head spin. In that case, mission accomplished!

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Lesson No. 2: Practice makes perfect

These geniuses were thisclose to nailing it. Unfortunately, writing in sparklers requires some forethought, primarily the understanding that you’ll need to write the letters backward if you expect them to look right to your audience. A simple trial run spelling out “USA” will produce a photo that actually makes sense. Winging it like these guys? Not so much.

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Lesson No. 3: Don’t bite off more than you can chew

If your baking skills are subpar, don’t think you’ll magically be able to pull off a Martha Stewart–style cake the day before your big party. We all have our strengths; know yours. Sometimes, just going to the store and buying dessert makes more sense.

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Lesson No. 4: Don’t forget that Hawaii and Alaska are part of our country, too

Poor Alaska and Hawaii! Whoever designed the packaging for this ice cube tray of the contiguous United States wasn’t on their A-game when they decided to tout “50 ways to chill.”

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Lesson No. 5: A regular Jell-O shot will do just fine

I have been to a couple of July Fourth parties where red and blue Jell-O shots were served in small plastic cups. I’ve even consumed Jell-O shots out of the halves of hollowed-out lemons. Those were impressive. This watermelon concoction? Not so much. Don’t waste a bottle of vodka on this messy cry for help.

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Lesson No. 6: Don’t feel bad if no one touches your yogurt salad

This was such a valiant attempt at a salad that’s intrinsically messy. But does a yogurt salad (or any dairy-filled salad, for that matter) ever look appetizing on a hot July day? Consider focusing your efforts on a crowd-pleasing bowl of guacamole instead.

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