Is Wearing Shoes Inside a Home (or on a Couch in the White House) Rude?
Is Wearing Shoes Inside a Home (or on a Couch in the White House) Rude?
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Poor Kellyanne Conway—she seems to inspire heated debate every time she leaves the house these days. The latest kerfuffle for the counselor to President Donald Trump came during an Oval Office meeting of the Historic Black Colleges and Universities, when she was photographed in a compromising position—namely, with her shoes up on the couch. Did we mention this was in the Oval Office? America wanted to know: Did she grow up in a barn or something?
Once the photo of Conway’s stilettos wedged in the historic upholstery got out, people flipped, saying she was being disrespectful to the guests and the furniture.
Conway defended her pose, saying she had been asked to snap a photo from a certain angle that was achieved only in this manner.
“I certainly meant no disrespect,” she told the press. “I didn’t mean to have my feet on the couch.”
But she did. Which got us wondering: What are the modern-day rules of wearing shoes in a house, on a couch, propped on a coffee table, or up on a desk—in your own home or as a guest in others’?
Granted, the rule of not putting your shoes on the furniture is something that many of us have been educated on from an early age. And it turns out scientific research backs up the argument that shoes can track in unwanted germs from outside.
Microbiologists at the University of Arizona confirmed the number of bacteria that can attach themselves to the average shoe (if you care, it’s nine different species and about 421,000 units per shoe).
But cleanliness aside, the rules are far from clear. Heck, even former President Barack Obama has been photographed with his feet on the desk in the Oval Office. Was this OK since it was his desk? Nothing is simple in the world of politics!
For the definitive answers, we spoke with some etiquette experts who outlined some hard and fast rules.
Rule No. 1: If people sit on it, don’t put your shoes on it
The resounding opinion among our experts is that the shoes you wear outside should stay off sofas, beds, or anywhere else people sit.
“It’s considered rude to put your shoes on someone’s bed or sofa,” says Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert and author of the forthcoming book “Modern Etiquette for a Better Life.”
Etiquette expert Lisa Grotts adds, “They can also scratch the furniture.”
“It’s not OK to have shoes on the furniture unless it’s your furniture or the ‘furniture’ is an upturned box in a barn,” sniffs Amy Alkon, a manners expert and author of “Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say the F-Word.”
Rule No. 2: House rules outweigh personal preference
Your house, your rules, says Aimee Symington, an etiquette expert and CEO of Finesse Worldwide: “If you are OK with your guests playing leapfrog from your sofa to your chairs, then great. But if you’d rather have your guests leave their shoes outside, that’s your choice, too.”
If your hosts have a shoes-off policy, it’s good manners to respect their rule.
In many cultures, removing your shoes inside is customary. If you are a guest in a home where this is the case, it’s polite to adhere to the homeowners’ wishes.
“In countries like Germany, Switzerland, Japan, Korea, and Turkey, it is common practice to take off your shoes when entering someone’s home,” Symington says. “For some, it may be a religious belief, a cultural protocol, or a practical exercise, but be aware of this and always ask your host if they would like you to remove your shoes before entering their home.”
Rule No. 3: Take your cues from the homeowner
As a guest in someone’s home, you can determine whether or not to take your shoes off by looking at the homeowners’ feet for guidance.
“See if they have shoes on, and if they don’t, ask them if they would like you to take your shoes off,” says Symington.
Some people like to kick back and put their feet up on the coffee table. Harmless as this may seem, when you’re a guest you should still refer to the behavior of the homeowner before being so casual. Symington explains that no matter if you are barefoot or wearing shoes or socks, “don’t rest your feet on the coffee table or curl them up on the sofa unless you’ve been invited to.” Because it’s gross.
Rule No. 4: If you insist on guests taking off their shoes, let them know ahead of time
Asking people—adult people—to remove their shoes is a touchy subject. Karen Lawson, a behavioral consultant, points out that a host’s responsibility is to make guests feel welcome and comfortable.
“Many people are not comfortable taking off their shoes for a variety of reasons: appearance of feet, sanitary concerns, or the issue of feeling fully ‘dressed,’” she says. “If you are throwing a party, let people know ahead of time that you’d like them to remove their shoes.”
If you’ve been in a situation where you’ve been asked to take your shoes off, it can be a little annoying. But as a guest, you have to be sympathetic to your host’s rules. And as a host, you shouldn’t feel guilty asking people to remove their shoes. Symington reiterates that ultimately, if it’s your house, it’s your choice and your guests should be kind enough to abide.
“At the root of manners is empathy,” says Alkon. “Some might say, ‘Well, I don’t care if people put their feet up on my coffee table.’ But unless you’ve taken inventory of the other person’s feelings, they might still care that you put your feet on their furniture. Respect is key here.”
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